stop calling my apartment porn island.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
