i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
A+ Viking dick
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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