you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
