You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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