he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
