how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
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