the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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