the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
