My nipple is on Facebook.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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