dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
is wine microwaveable?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
