when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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