She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
