Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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