Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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