Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
