On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
