Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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