i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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