Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The air was thick with penises
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
