my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
