just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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