I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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