How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
