Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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