That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
