And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
