DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm bleeding and have questions
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
