hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
