Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
North Korea, Best Korea!
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
