5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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