Are we in a gay sports bar?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize