my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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