with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
