I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
How's work?
Spinning.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
