The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Randomize
