Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
