just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
