Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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