and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Randomize
