My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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