when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
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