you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
