I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
