My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize