don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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