The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
