So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
