My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
