it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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