dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
