I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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