He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize