hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
