did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
The uberlube is also flammable
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
