I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Randomize
