dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
