some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
