yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
