put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
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