Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
