I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
