sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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