Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
