Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
