well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
