hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
