guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
