Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I need to calm my uterus...
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
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