Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
