So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My first STD was from a foam party
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
