I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize