the condom got lost in my hair
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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