There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
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