I'm gonna have a badass scar
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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