we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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