I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
