your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
