This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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