Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
