someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
My dad is sitting where you rode me
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
