I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
