I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
