WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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