Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
