I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
