so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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