So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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