the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
