I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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