i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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