did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
