you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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