every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
