there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
