Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
