can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
