Who wears a wallet chain?!
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
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