Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
