Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize