I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize