Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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