Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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