Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
