I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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