Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
