my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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