either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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