Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
