i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
