Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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