can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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