Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
