We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
