she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize