Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm getting married
To pizza
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
