and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
We smell like vodka and hangover
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
